Happy Friday Sweet Ladies! Let’s jump into our motherhood discussion!
For those of you who have been following my journey for a while, y’all know that early last year (2018) I was postivite that by the end of that year I wanted to get to working on baby number two.
Welp clearly that did not happen.
In the last two months I cant even count on my fingers and toes how many people have asked about when we will be having another baby! And the truth is…
I ‘m not sure that I want another one!
I know, I know, how could this be right? If I’m honest a lot of it has to do with fear.
will I be able to finish school
can we afford to have another baby
will i be able to stay home?
will i still have the energy to invest into Jaxen at the same level that I am able to now?
can i manage two kids?
do i WANT to manage two kids?
I mean the list can go on and on for me. & listen I know that God will make more than a way, and provide and protect us the same way that he did when we found out we were pregnant with Jaxen — but I’m just not sure.
If I’m being REALLY honest, I did not enjoy being pregnant with Jaxen. I had some complications early on, I looked like Fiona causing me to feel so insecure. I stayed In the house most of the 9 months missing parties and birthdays because of how I felt. Besides building a connection with Jaxen, I just did not enjoy my pregnancy.
With the way God works, I would not be surprised if I were pregnant as I type this. Y’all know His sense of humor.
In some ways not having the desire to have a second kid makes me feel guilty. Am i ripping Jaxen off for not giving him a sibling?? Am I ripping Marq off for not wanting to try for a baby girl? Ugh so many emotions!
Maybe as the days go by I will change my mind and desire to have another child —- but this is where I am now.
So there you have it! My raw thoughts and emotions. Most of you reading have probably either asked me when I’m having baby number two, or have reminded me of my world declaration to be pregnant by the end of 2018 (silly me.) Who knows what’s in store for the Morrison’s. Whatever it is, thanks for journeying with us!